Grief Talk.
My best personal skills for grief have been the skills I have shared with my clients years before having to process my own grief and healing.
1. Make time for grief. Grief can creep in at random times. If you don't want it to jump up on you and knock you down, make sure that you are allowing time for you to grieve. This can look like 10 minutes of journaling at night, looking through photos during alone time once a week, listening to a playlist driving in your car by yourself, etc. But by giving time and space for your grief, it is allowing you to process it.
2. Have a private space to grieve. You can process with friends, family and in therapy. But giving yourself some alone time with your feelings can also allow you to talk to your loved one privately. I personally created a private Instagram account. I write to my parents, share pictures, share memories any time something crosses my mind. Its a space where I can update them on my life, talk about the loneliness and anger that pop up with grief, share happy and sad memories through life, and just have a space where i can connect to my grief.
3. Create what you need if it isn't out there. If you need a grief support group and you can't find one specific to what you are going through--reach out to others through Facebook groups, Instagram, or other social media outlets to FIND and create your own. GriefShare is a great online forum that has a chat but if you can't find others going through what you are going through--I promise you there are others out there just waiting to connect--FIND THEM.
4. Know that it is okay to not be okay. When you lose someone you want time to freeze. everyone around you starts to move on with the business of life--and you need to also. However, how do you move on without that person missing in your life. Allow yourself to not be ok. Lean into the grief. Know that you are allowed to not feel happy. Know that it is okay to be mad. Know that although healing is possible, the waves may always come, and it won't ever heal completely--you will always miss them.
5. Grief really does come in waves. There will be good days, good moments, good weeks and even eventually good months. But when those waves come---they sure do come. Be it an anniversary, a birthday, a photo memory, a song, a scent, a sign, or a dream. They come. Those waves can last minutes, hours, or days. But just like waves in the ocean, there will be calmness that come too.
6. Brainspotting & Parts Work can both be very effective ways to process your loss and begin your healing journey. I have a lot of clients identify that growing up or most of their life they have been distracted from their sadness. Be it by parents, friends, or others trying to "make them happy". Brainspotting allows one to feel physically and emotionally in whatever space they need to. Parts work allows you to aid in healing grief by allowing individuals to access and understand parts that may hold painful emotions or memories. Additionally, by promoting internal connection and understanding, parts work can facilitate self-compassion, reduce inner conflict, and enhance overall psychological well-being. It has even allowed one to view their lost loved one as an internal part of themselves to reconnect and give space to healing. Remember that a wave will crash, but it’s still water. Its form and body are still there, forever a part of the ocean. We may not see it again, but we know it’s there and we know it existed. No matter what, the impact that you make will always find itself to become a part of the larger whole. A unique footprint that you leave behind on the world. - The Good Place
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